"Is that her?... did she see me?" I frantically think to myself. 

"Is that her new man with her?"

          I watched from the corner of my eye, not wanting to be caught staring, but I needed to know if that was her. I needed to know if today, in the next few moments, my life would drastically change forever. Again.

        My ex. If it were her, after all these years, and all of the fantasizing, then she was finally within reach. 

        The room was crowded. A party of sorts. The aftermath of a twenty-year high school reunion. This was a different venue though and there was a mix of, former bullies and whores from my most vulnerable years, and random strangers just trying to get fucked up and laid. 

          I had already been drinking. It was a rough night as most of my classmates pretended, they didn't even know me. I don't know why I even came. What was the point. 

Aside from this. If that woman walking by just now was actually her, then I know why I'm here. We can call it fate. 

         The room was a large rectangle. An L-shaped bar was in the back left of the room. To the left of that was a little hall for the bathrooms. On the back right side of the room, there was an exit door to the side lot for parking. The front of the room, dead center, was a pair of double doors that led out to the sidewalk and main road. That's where I came in from and where I was dropped off, just a couple minutes ago. 

           Upon my arrival is when I spotted her, potentially. She came in from the side lot with that guy. As I watch, she makes her way past the bar and to the bathroom. The guy stops at the entrance to talk to a group of randoms that have been loitering there, obviously for hours. 

            As the bathroom door closes behind her, I make my way through the crowd. I need to get closer so I can verify if it's her. If I sit at the left side of the bar, pull my hat down, and keep my head down, I can check her out when she leaves the bathroom. I just need to know for sure. 

As I make my way through the crowd, like a Plinko coin, I think about all the things she has done to me... All the pain she has caused... The way she has ruined my life.

        I start to sweat as I weave in and out of the horde of patrons. I can't believe I'm so close to fate. I'm almost to the end of the crown, and as I push through the crowd of people, I stumble over someone's foot or something and put my arms out to catch myself on the bar. 

         "Oh my fucking God, is that you?", a familiar voice called out from right in front of me. When I threw my arms out to catch myself, I had accidently trapped her in between them both. My face rested against her shoulder. I push myself off of her and back onto my own two feet. 

         Trying my best to act surprised, I stammered through the phrase: "Uh yeah, I'm me.. high you. Uh.. I mean, to you. Uh.. hello. Hi." She giggled and threw her arms around me. She hugged me tight. The smell was so familiar. I could feel my body tensing up, uncomfortably, from being in her embrace

         "Holy shit. It's been years. I haven't heard or seen anything about you in so long. You look great. I hope you're doing well, " She rambled. Her voice stung my eardrums. What am I doing here. 

         "Uh, yeah, I'm good. Yeah, long time no see. You look great too, " I replied. And it wasn't a lie. She looked healthy. Much different from the cracked-out whore I once knew. I wonder if she's clean now. I wonder if she has changed. 

        "Do you want to get a drink and catch up?" She asked. I didn't know what to say. I knew what I wanted, but drinking and chatting wasn't what I was planning. "Sure".

       We spent the next couple of hours catching up. She did most of the talking to begin with. After a while, I got lost in the conversation and began talking as well. I learned that the guy she came in with was just someone who held the door open for her, and she greeted him. I learned she hadn't touched a drug in five years. I learned that she has a seven-year-old and a four-year-old. I wondered if it had really been that long since we were together. Twelve years we have been apart. She does look great. It's weird hearing her speak about goals. It's actually weird to hear her speak at all without slurring her words. At least, that's what I was used to and remembered. 'Don't get sucked into the charade,' I thought to myself. After all, she did try to murder me on top of all the other shitty things she put me through. 

       As the night went on, people were funneling out. There weren't many people left at this point. I think the bartender had already called last call. She offered to pay. I said OK, especially since I had only been drinking water since we sat down. I got up and put my jacket on. She came back and got hers. She asked me if I'd walk her to the car. I guess she didn't want any crazies to get her. 

        I walked her out, and she grabbed me to hug me goodbye. She kissed me on the cheek. Then she said, "I'm so happy you're doing well. I'm glad you didn't let me ruin your life." Then she hugged me again. I started to turn to walk away, then turned back around. I knocked on her window as she was putting on her seatbelt. She jumped comically high in her seat as she wasn't expecting me. 

She rolled down the window.

    "Hey, I'm sorry to ask, but do you think you could drive me home?", I asked. 

"I don't know, it's late, and I need to get home," she said nervously.

At this point, there were no other cars in the dark parking lot. A dim light lit up one half of the lot, but not the side she was parked in. A light rain had started. It was pretty quiet outside. 

    "Please?" I said, "It's starting to rain, and I don't have an umbrella."

     "I can't. I'm sorry. I really have to go. Goodbye." she frantically spoke. 

I grabbed the door handle to try to open the driver’s door. It was locked.

      "WHAT ARE YOU DOING," She cried out, obviously terrified.

     She started to roll the window up, and I grabbed at the top of it and tried to pull it down. That didn't work, so I tried to reach in to grab the handle. The window had now rolled up as far as it could, and my arm was now stuck. She screamed for help, and when she did, I grabbed her over top of the mouth with my hand that was inside the car, and I squeezed as hard as I could. She started violent shaking her head back and forth to break free, and once she did, she put the car in gear and hit the gas. Once again, I used my stuck arm to grab the wheel. 

     I overpowered her and turned it in. The car went almost a full 360 as we drove straight into the light post, taking it out in the process. It was now dark as my heart out here. She tried to put it in reverse, but the car wouldn't budge. I punched her in the side of the head. I obviously hurt her, and when she slowly turned her head to look at me, I punched her in the face as hard as I could, trying to break it. She started to slump over, knocked out, but before she got too far I was able to get ahold of her pony tail. I wound her hair up a little around my face and then suddenly yanked her head towards me. Her face and my hand shattered the driver window. At this point she was conscious again. She started screaming but before she finished, I grabbed the back of her head with both hands and slammed her face first into door ledge, where the window slides inside to door, into all the glass. She shut right up. 

         I opened the car door, undid her seatbelt and began dragging her out of the car. She coughed and whispered, "Why are you doing this?". I responded with "I'm physically doing to you, what you did to me emotionally and mentally". 

         I propped her back up against the car, to a standing position, holding her up with my left forearm against her throat. I reached back into my pocket and pulled out my pocketknife, then I told her, "It's time for me to finally end your chapter in my life". I turned to face her as I raised the knife and she latched onto my fucking cheek with her teeth. She bit down as hard as she could. I could feel my flesh ripping away from my body. Once she had a good mouthful and ripped it away, I turned towards her and she spit it all in my eyes, then she kneed me in the groin. I must have dropped the knife on the ground because next thing I knew, there was a hole in my thigh. I dropped to the ground bleeding and as I cried out, she kicked me in the face, as if I were a football and she was kicking the game winning field goal. 

         There's a siren, like an air raid. I look up and there's just a deep orange colored sky. Murders of crows look like stars speckling the orange sky. A bright white light fills all the space and as quickly as it came, it disappears. The crows swoop down, and just begin pecking and ripping every inch of my body. The pain is excruciating. One by one my eyes are ripped out. I can't see anything anymore, but the sound is more than enough to drive a man crazy. Then the bright white light lends itself to the darkness that's currently filling my vision. As it fades away I look around at the dark rainy night. Still a little groggy. That was one hell of a kick to my head. Knocked me into a nightmare. That's OK. I'm awake now and I'm going to make her pay. I cough and blood starts falling out of my mouth. I cough again. Same thing. I try to reach up with my arm to wipe it away, but as my arm starts to pass my stomach a fall under an insurmountable pain. I look down and my knife is sticking out of my gut. It seems I just hit it with my arm. It's really in there. I look over at her. Sitting with her back to the car. She looks passed out. I look back at my stomach to assess the damage. I notice my abdomen is beyond recognition. I must have been stabbed 30+ times. It looks like chili. I'm starving. My vision starts to get blurry, but I shake it off. I try to roll to my side. I scream out in pain I look back at her, she's still passed out. I don't want to pull this knife out because I will probably bleed out, but I think that's what is going to happen anyways. I grab the knife and yank it but it only comes out halfway. It's hard to breath. Pretty sure my lungs are filling with blood. I don't have much time. I yank again. It's out. I try to lift myself up. 

     FWAP!

     A tire iron slams across my hand.

     FWAP!

     It smacks into my back next.

     I react by plunging the knife right into her calf with my good hand. She drops to the ground. Then with her good leg starts kicking outwardly against the side of my head. I army crawl out of reach. I get myself up and walk towards her. My now broken hand trying to block my insides from becoming outsides. I get to her and as she tries to kick me again I slice her across the knee. I straddle her. She tries to fight me off with her hands but each time she's met with the blade. I grab her head and slam it back against the door. Then I grab her throat and begin to squeeze. It's an unbearable pain for my broken hand so I put the knife blade between my teeth and use my other hand as well. Her eyes get really big, and her mouth is wide open like she's about to say something, but I think she was just trying to breathe. That's what I would have been trying to do. I can see her start to fade. This isn't satisfactory though. I decide I'm going to embarrass her first and prolong her death. I take the knife in my broken paw and grab her by the face and squeeze.

        "You've always thought you were hot shit, huh? Like you have always deserved any man in the world... no matter the destruction you left in your wake? No matter the hurt you caused me. No matter the future you'd throw away?" I screamed in her face. I then slapped her in the face and spit in her mouth as she coughed. 

I ripped her shirt open, exposing her black lace bra. One I had bought for her a lifetime ago. I snickered in disbelief. 

         "Well, you'll never be desirable again" I said as I plunged the knife downwards, from the top of her tit to the bottom. She tried to fight me off while she screamed, but I started pulling while running the blade up and down, essentially trying to saw off one of her tits. I got about halfway through and then she jammed her thumb into one of my eyes. I tried to fight through it, but she kept pushing in deeper. I just heard a cracking noise then got an iridescent light, followed by white light, then back to what was happening in front of me. It was now very hard to see. I think that eye was now blind, or she popped the eyeball or something. Between that and the tears, sweat, and blood in my other eye, I had maybe 20% or 15% vision. I hoisted the knife up and then slammed it down into her right shoulder I believe. She immediately retaliated by reaching into my stomach and grabbing a handful and pulling as she did I fell backwards. I stared upwards at the sky. I don't know for sure what happened next except for I kept feeling this tugging sensation. I believe she pulled my intestine into the car, then closed the door. She then put the car on reverse and floored it. I turned my head towards the sound and could see my innards stretched to the back of the parking lot. Once she reached as far back as she could go, she slowly pulled back up to me. She inched the front driver's side tire up to me and between the legs of my motionless body. The tire met my scrotum, slowly enough that when it made contact, the car rolled backward slightly. Then she punched it and rolled over my groin, crushing everything. The front of my pelvis was now touching the ground. The tire was now at the bottom of my ribcage. She slammed the shifter into park. At this point all I could speak was gibberish. My mouth felt fuzzy. I couldn't tell you why though, it's just an observation I thought you should know about. As she stepped out of the car, everything grew eerily quiet. I couldn't hear the car anymore even though it was quite literally right on top of me. I also couldn't feel that anymore. I could only feel the warm blood that was all over my face. She wobbled onto my view and looked down at me. 

     She started speaking, "Good you're still alive. I just wanted you to know, I'm not the person you hated years ago. I've grown... I've changed... if there's anyone you should hate... I think... I think it's you... I think you should hate yourself. Look at what you've become... you're the monster you were always afraid of... you've become what you feared... what you hated... and in turn... you've tried to bring me with you... but I'm not... I became who you knew I could be... without you... you were the one that ruined MY future..."

       I smiled. She was right. I am the ruiner.       

       Perspective... wow. 

     She continued, "And that thing you said a little bit ago... that thing, what was it?... oh... 'this is the end of my chapter in your life'... that’s funny in hindsight… because while this is the end of my chapter in your life, it's also the last chapter of your book...."

     She raised her foot above my head. I could kind of make out the design on the tread of her shoe. 

     She chimed in, "THIS, is the end of YOUR chapter, in my life!". And with that, I watched the treads race towards me. Now I can tell what those designs are. Its..

FWAP!